September 13, 2005

The Real Truth About Teens & Sex

After posting that I was working on a book, an agent contacted me and asked if I would be interested in writing about teens and sex. I immediately thought that someone had to be covering this topic already. And I was right. I can't think of anyone better than former Seventeen EIC Sabrina Weill to have written what seems like will be the definitive book for adults wanting to know what teens are thinking and feeling about this topic. We all eagerly read Sex & Your Body column in Seventeen when we were tweens/teens, and the teen mag continues to push the envelope. Teasing from Gawker aside, publishing photographs of actual vaginas (WWD) in the mag is pretty bold.

So I was psyched that Sabrina agreed to do a Ypulse interview and send over five of her books, "The Real Truth About Teens and Sex" to give away to readers.

You can read the interview in the extended entry. To win a free book, post a comment about some crazy rumor or misinformation you were given about sex as a teen or just give your two cents on the topic. The first five posters will get the books (make sure to include your email when you post so I can contact you).

Ypulse: What prompted you to want to write a book on this topic?

Sabrina Weill: It was all these crazy rumors about kinky teen-sex parties and oral sex "games." My friends who have teenagers were saying how overwhelming it all is to talk about or frankly, to even think about. How are parents supposed to know what to believe? What's the best way to help teenagers make smart decisions? I've been reading teens' most private thoughts and feelings on this topic for a decade-I wanted to share this information directly with the people who can help teens the most.

YP: How have teen attitudes changed about sex since we were teens (i.e. Gen X vs. Gen Y)?

SW: On the one hand, less teens are sexually active and teen pregnancy is down. At the same time, huge numbers of teens and young adults (800,000/year) are still getting pregnant, contracting STDs (9 million/year), and experiencing what I call an Intimacy Crisis. They're inundated with graphic messages about sex-as just one example: they get porn site pop-up ads tossed at them while they're doing homework. It has an inuring effect, where teens talk about sex, and sometimes have it, like it's no big deal. One 14-year-old told me about playing a made-up game called "soccer-tennis" with her boyfriend-then she added, "And he said, let's make a bet: If I win, you have to give me head."

In my survey, 1 in 10 teens agreed, "It's normal for someone my age to have sex with someone they met at a party." Even though it's highly doubtful that so many teens are actually having "party sex," the fact that this many teens report thinking that it's "normal" is upsetting.

This generation has access to far more information-outrageous rumors can be spread verbatim across-country within hours-but their ability to process it all emotionally has not kept up.

YP: What impact has the abstinence-only education movement had on how teens think about and have sex?

SW: I've talked to teens in all kinds of sex ed courses. The most important quality in a sex ed program is that it contain accurate information and that the information be delivered in a way that resonates with teens, by a person the teenagers find trustworthy. There are a lot of sex ed classes that are great, but too often, unfortunately, teens report to me that none of these needs are met by their sex ed classes. But if parents get involved, they can make significant changes. The squeaky parent gets the sex ed class that they want-believe it.

YP: What was the most surprising revelation/fact/stat in the research you did for the book and The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy survey?

SW: True or False: Sex should be romantic?

78% said true. 3% said false. But 19%-almost 1 in 5-answered "I don't know." I found that surprising (and sad) that so many teens aren't clear on whether sex "should be" romantic.

A lot of parents find this surprising (that these numbers are so high): Do you know a teen who has had sex at home while a parent was in the house?

24% of 14-year olds say yes, 42% of 15 and 16 year olds say yes, and 60% of 17 year olds say yes.

YP: What is the media's (and marketers/advertisers') role or responsibility, if any, in all of this?

SW: I think parents and adults who care about teenagers need to be aware of the media teens are taking in so they can act as a filter to help teens correctly interpret what they see. Teens see sex in the movies as this swooning, "Gosh we got so caught up and just did it" activity. From an emotional as well as a public health perspective, this is a very bad thing. If parents don't speak often and clearly to teenagers about sex and relationships, the messages from the media and their friends may be the only messages teens are getting.

YP: Anything else you want to add?

SW: Yes (thank you for asking!) Parents have the most influence on teenagers' decisions about sex-more than friends, the media, or sex ed. Teenagers want to hear from their parents on this topic. Talking to teens about sex can definitely be awkward; I offer a lot of sample "scripts" in the book to help get these conversations rolling. Something I heard a lot from teens was "Parents see what they want to see." Parents and other pivotal adults in teen's lives who want to know, want to see the truth, are going to have teenagers who make smart choices.

Posted by anastasia

Top